THINGS I WISH I'D KNOWN BEFORE I WENT OUT IN THE REAL WORLD.

** A person needs only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and it shouldn't, use the tape.

** When baking, follow directions. When cooking, go by your own taste.

** The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship: "I apologize" and "You are right."

** Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

** When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It's easier to eat crow while it's still warm.

** If he or she says that you are too good for him -- believe it.

** I've learned to pick my battles; I ask myself, "Will this matter one year from now? How about one month? One week? One day?"

** Never pass up an opportunity to pee.

** If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!

** Living well really is the best revenge.

** Being miserable because of a bad or former relationship just proves that the other person was right about you.

** Be really nice to your friends because you never know when you are going to need them to empty your bed pan and hold your hand.

** And finally... Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect; it just means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections.